Marriage on Mission: Why Your Spouse Isn’t Meant to Make You Happy
- Paul Abrahams
- Jun 9
- 5 min read
Updated: Jun 10
Our world sells us a cheap version of love. Movies, songs, and social media tell us that love is about passion, chemistry, and someone finally “completing” you. But that kind of love—while emotionally moving—isn’t what God designed marriage to be built on. If you enter marriage expecting to be made happy, you’ll find yourself disappointed, disillusioned, or possibly divorced.
Here’s the truth: Marriage isn’t meant to make you happy—it’s meant to make you holy. And more than that, it’s meant to put you and your spouse on mission for the Kingdom of God.
The Real Purpose of Marriage
When God created marriage in Genesis 2, He didn’t say, “It is not good for man to be unhappy.” He said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” That’s more than a comment on loneliness; it’s a declaration that Adam needed a partner to accomplish the task God gave him—to steward creation and reflect God’s image in the world. That’s mission.
Marriage was never meant to terminate on itself. It’s not the end goal. It’s a means to a greater end: to glorify God and reflect His love in a dark and dying world.
Ephesians 5:25–27 says:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy…”
Paul isn’t talking about a happy vacation or a peaceful home. He’s calling us to sacrificial love. That kind of love refines both people. It calls us to die to ourselves, to be sanctified through one another, and to display the gospel through covenantal, enduring, joyful endurance.
Being “On Mission” Together
So what does it mean to be “on mission” as a married couple?
It means your marriage is not about the two of you—it’s about what God can do through you.
It’s about letting your home become a lighthouse for the broken.
It’s about raising your kids to know and love Jesus.
It’s about serving others together.
It’s about helping one another look more like Jesus year after year.
Being on mission means seeing your spouse not as someone who completes you, but as someone who joins you in completing the work God set before you. You’re not just doing life together—you’re doing ministry together, even if you’re not in vocational ministry.
Whether you’re making disciples at your dinner table, opening your home to neighbors, mentoring younger couples, or simply loving each other in a way that displays Christ’s selfless love—that is the mission.
What Happens When Happiness Becomes the Goal?
Let’s be honest. When we believe marriage is meant to make us happy, then hard seasons feel like betrayal. Unmet expectations feel like a breach of contract. You begin to think things like:
“This isn’t what I signed up for.”
“Maybe we’re not compatible anymore.”
“They’ve changed.”
Of course they’ve changed—so have you. That’s what humans do. But when your mission is clear, your vows hold their weight. You’re not just committed to a person—you’re committed to God’s purpose through that person.
When happiness is the goal, we bail when we’re disappointed. When holiness is the goal, we grow through our disappointment.
You might ask, “But doesn’t God want me to be happy in marriage?” Yes, but not at the cost of your holiness. In God’s economy, joy is a byproduct of obedience and intimacy with Him—not the goal itself. A mission-focused marriage produces a deeper, more durable kind of joy than any fleeting “happiness” ever could.
A Love That Looks Like Jesus
Jesus is the model for what love looks like. He didn’t wait to be loved before He gave love. He pursued us when we were still sinners. He washed the feet of those who would betray Him. He served, sacrificed, and submitted to the will of the Father.
That’s the kind of love we’re called to show in marriage. It’s a covenant, not a contract. It doesn’t say, “If you love me well, I’ll love you back.” It says, “Even when you don’t deserve it, I’ll love you because I’ve been loved by Christ.”
Biblical love is resilient. It’s not based on feelings—it produces them.
And when both husband and wife are submitted to Christ, walking in step with the Spirit, and pointing one another to the cross daily—then yes, the sweetness and joy of marriage can be incredibly fulfilling. But that’s not the starting point. Mission is.
What If Only One Spouse Is Living on Mission?
That’s a hard question. And it’s more common than we like to admit.
If you’re a believer and your spouse isn’t aligned with this vision yet, your mission becomes to love them in such a way that they see Christ in you. 1 Peter 3 speaks directly to this:
“Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.”
You don’t nag your spouse into alignment. You model it. You live on mission even when they don’t yet understand it. And you pray—constantly, fervently—that God would soften their heart, restore unity, and set you both on a shared mission again.
How to Align Your Marriage to the Mission
Here are a few practical ways to put this vision into practice:
1. Define Your Mission Together.
Sit down with your spouse and ask: Why has God brought us together? What are we passionate about? Who can we serve? How can our marriage be a blessing to others?
2. Pray Together Regularly.
You can’t be on mission if you’re not communicating with your Commander. Prayer keeps your hearts aligned and your eyes fixed on the real purpose of your covenant.
3. Invest in Your Spiritual Growth.
Attend church together. Join a community group. Read the Word. You won’t grow on mission if you’re not growing individually and as a couple in Christ.
4. Serve Together.
Whether it’s mentoring, missions, hosting neighbors, or fostering—find a way to serve side-by-side. Shared mission deepens your bond.
5. Model Forgiveness and Grace.
You will fail each other. Often. But your marriage becomes a training ground for grace when you learn to forgive as Christ forgave you.
Final Thoughts
A mission-focused marriage doesn’t ignore romance, laughter, rest, or affection. But it doesn’t idolize those things either. It knows that the purpose of marriage is far greater than personal satisfaction—it’s eternal impact.
Happiness isn’t the goal. Holiness and impact are. And ironically, when you pursue those things with all your heart, you’ll find the kind of joy that happiness could never provide.
So let your marriage preach the gospel.
Let it be a tool in the hands of God.
Let it shine like a beacon in a culture obsessed with self.
You weren’t just made for each other—you were made for the Kingdom.
Q1:
How can I practically reframe the hard seasons in marriage as part of God’s refining process and not just as obstacles to my happiness?
Q2:
What steps can my spouse and I take to discover and live out our unique mission together?
Q3:
How does a mission-centered view of marriage change the way I handle unmet expectations and disappointment in my relationship?
