Marriage is a journey of love and growth towards Jesus. Yet, amungst the joys and trials, couples sometimes find themselves engaging in harmful behaviors, unknowingly using certain aspects of their relationship as weapons against each other. We wanted to share a couple of things we've learned the hard way from our own marriage not to use weapons. With this as a starting point, we can be more trustworthy and loving towards each other. Here are the top five things never to pick up and use as weapons in your marriage:
1. In-Laws (or parents): Your relationship with your in-laws (or parents) can either be a source of tension in your marriage. Using the way the in-laws do things, the way the parents see life, or any history with our family's-of-origin as ammunition in arguments undermines trust and unity. Instead, setting this as a rule not to bring in the family you or your spouse came from as a topic to fight about is a goal worth having.
2. Body Image and Weight: Each person's body is fearfully and wonderfully made by God (Psalm 139:14). Criticizing or shaming your spouse (this is mainly towards women, but men too) based on their body image or weight not only damages their self-esteem but also erodes the foundation of love and acceptance in your marriage. Focus on celebrating each other's unique beauty and supporting healthy lifestyle choices together.
3. Sex: Intimacy is a precious gift from God within marriage (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). However, using sex as a bargaining chip or withholding it as punishment can lead to resentment and emotional distance. Instead, foster open communication about your desires and concerns, seeking mutual understanding and compromise to nurture a fulfilling sexual relationship. I could write ten chapters on this subject!!!
4. The Kids: Children are a blessing, but they should never be used as pawns in marital conflicts. Avoid manipulating your spouse through decisions about parenting, discipline, or favoritism towards the children. Instead, present a united front as parents, prioritizing the well-being of your children while also nurturing the bond between you and your spouse.
5. Jobs and Financial Security: Financial stressors can strain even the strongest marriages. However, using job-related issues or financial struggles to blame or belittle your spouse only adds to the burden. Instead, approach challenges as a team, communicating openly about financial goals, budgeting effectively, and supporting each other through career ups and downs.
Remember, marriage is a covenant of love and commitment, requiring mutual respect, communication, and forgiveness. We aim not to use these things as weapons to hurt one another, but instead choose love, grace, and Godly wisdom to strengthen their bond. Remember, "Love is patient, love is kind...it does not dishonor others" (1 Corinthians 13:4-5).
Honor, love, and cherish, each other.